All relationships have challenges sooner or later:

1. The realization that your partner isn’t everything you need. Expectations are high in relationships. Before you know the other person well, it’s easy to imagine they’re everything you’d ever need from another person: a soul mate, sounding board, best friend, and perfect lover.

* After five years of marriage, the truth reveals itself. Your partner isn’t everything you need.

* No single person can completely satisfy the needs of another. Expect to have no more than 80% of your need fulfilled by your partner. You’ll have to find the other 20% somewhere else. This might be the need to watch horror movies with someone else, have intellectual conversations, talk about shopping, or talk about sports.

2. Communication issues. Communication is like sex. One partner seems to want to do it more than the other. Set aside time each day for a few minutes to talk. Practice good listening skills. One person is generally miserable for those few minutes, but that’s the price that must be paid to have a successful relationship. It’s worth the price.

3. Trust issues. Some people have difficulty trusting others. Some people are more resentful than others when they don’t receive the level of trust they think they deserve. Be trustworthy and expect the same from your partner. There are little things you can do to build trust.

* Be on time.
* Be open.
* Avoid jealousy.
* Be honest.
* Be open regarding your whereabouts.

4. There will be financial disagreements. Financial issues often lead to relationship challenges. It’s easy for the feelings of stress and anxiety to be taken out on your partner. You have to blame someone, right?

* The solution is to form an alliance with your partner and deal with the financial challenges head-on. Otherwise, one person will deal with it alone and resentment occurs.

5. Division of labor. In some cultures, there’s no disagreement. Men do certain chores and women do theirs. In the US, it’s not always so clear.

* Make a list of all the chores that need to be done. Divide them into three lists – daily, weekly, and monthly.

* Sit down together and divide up the list in a way that you’re both satisfied with. You might consider taking turns choosing chores. After a few months, you can swap.

6. The urge to cheat is real. Monogamy sounds great on paper, but is a little tougher in practice. Monogamy isn’t natural. You and the people around you were created by those that had the greatest urge to have sex many thousands of years ago. It’s only natural that you, and others around you, have the urge to do the same.

* Just because monogamy is challenging doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the effort. Cheating is the result of short-term thinking. Keep your eye on the long-term perspective.

7. Getting stuck in a rut. This happens when there’s too much routine and the future isn’t compelling. Set a few goals together to make the future more interesting. Plan a trip or a big purchase. Get out of the house at least once a week for dinner, a yoga class, or bowling.

Avoid the belief that a good relationship is easy 100% of the time. It creates unreasonable expectations. Expect that challenges will occur and be prepared for them.

The post 7 Relationship Challenges and What To Do About Them appeared first on Tampa Bay Christian Counseling Center.

Storytelling is a great way to do this, but you may also want to write your responses in a journal and then discuss things from both perspectives.

Sit down together as a couple and answer one or two of these each evening for a week.

Discuss the following:

·      Tell the story of how you met.

·      What did you find attractive about each other?

·      Share some special memories about your dating experiences.

·      Who are your relationship role models? What do you want to emulate about their relationships?

·      How is your life richer and improved because of your relationship?

·      What traits are you grateful for in your partner?  

·      How do you affirm and acknowledge each other?

·      How are you different?  How do these differences strengthen your relationship?

·      What has positively affected your relationship?

Daily Practice

Express your love and gratitude to each other every day. 

Be aware of things that your partner or spouse most appreciates or enjoys. Do more of that! 

People like different things – love notes, time spent sharing, tokens or gifts, quality time, acts of kindness or service, acknowledgment and affirmation, compliments, texts and email, playfulness, hugs, kisses, and touch. 

Interested in learning more about strengthening your relationship? Contact me: lori@nationalmarriageseminars.com

The post Developing Gratitude in Relationships Action Plan appeared first on Tampa Bay Christian Counseling Center.

That’s the lesson from a recent study by Carnegie University. In this study, researchers divided couples into two roles: decision-maker and support provider. Then, they gave them a choice between completing a simple puzzle or competing for a cash prize in a public speaking competition.

Spouses with an encouraging partner were much more likely to take on the greater challenge. Plus, when they were surveyed 6 months later, they reported increased personal growth and happiness, along with stronger relationships.
 
The study also identified what behaviors you need to be helpful and encouraging rather than too pushy or passive.

Discover the 3 essential elements of effective support, and how to use them.
 
Show Your Enthusiasm

Marriage gives you an opportunity to cheer each other on. Let your enthusiasm shine through. As a bonus, it will make your relationship more fun.

Try these activities to show enthusiasm:

1. Share meaningful activities. It’s easy to be enthusiastic when you love what you’re doing. Figure out your top priorities and devote your time to them, individually and together.

2. Ask questions. Do you find it hard to take an interest in your spouse’s job or hobbies? Becoming more knowledgeable could stimulate your curiosity. Ask them to give you an introduction to corporate litigation or gourmet cooking.

3. Give specific praise. Compliments mean more when you make them substantive. Tell your spouse precisely what it is you admire about their communication skills or leadership style.

4. Stay energized. How can you sound perky when you’re tired and hungry? Practice self-care by eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and sleeping well.

5. Manage stress. Learning to relax will also help you to keep your spirits up. Set aside time to meditate and pray. Listen to gentle music or go for a walk.
 
Provide Reassurance

Most worthwhile projects require effort and persistence. Having a reassuring partner can help you hang in there until you achieve results.

Try these ways to reassure your partner:

1. Remember your purpose. When obstacles arise, encourage your spouse to think about the reasons behind their work. Talk about your values and set goals that you both believe in.

2. Examine your assumptions. Many barriers are internal. Provide a sounding board so your spouse can recognize and overcome self-limiting beliefs that may be holding them back. Strive to be a role model for going beyond your comfort zone and making constructive changes.

3. Review your accomplishments. Go over the things that you and your spouse have accomplished together. You’ll feel more confident and empowered.

4. Get organized. Physical and mental clutter can trigger anxiety and slow you down. Maintaining an orderly home and creating efficient routines will give you both more peace of mind.
 
Focus on What You Have to Gain

It’s easier to take risks when you think about the benefits. Cultivate a cheerful outlook. Your hopefulness is contagious so your spouse will pick up on it too.

Turn these actions into daily habits:

1. Look on the bright side. Find the advantages present in any situation. Keep a list of the things you and your spouse have to be grateful for, including each other.

2. Reframe challenges. Look at setbacks as opportunities to learn. Give your partner a chance to express their feelings, and then move on. Direct your energy to coming up with solutions.

3. Adjust your environment. What types of influences surround you and your spouse? Be selective about the media you consume and search for inspiring stories. Develop a strong network of family and friends you can rely on.
 
Supporting your spouse can make you happier and more successful as a couple and as individuals. Nourish your relationship with enthusiasm, reassurance, and optimism.

The post 12 Ways to Encourage Your Spouse appeared first on Tampa Bay Christian Counseling Center.

Your beliefs limit what you believe is possible. Your beliefs influence your actions. Think about your beliefs and consider how they impact your search for love.

Do you have these non-supportive beliefs? Change them to their positive counterpart:

    1. I am not worthy. How did you come to this conclusion? If you’re consistently doing your best to live your life as well as you can, you deserve to be loved. If you’ve given up and moved into your mom’s basement, you need to step up your game! Everyone is worthy of love, but you still need to put in the effort.

        ◦ “I am worthy of being loved by someone wonderful.”

    2. Everyone cheats. A lot of people cheat, but not everyone cheats. And even when people cheat, the relationship often survives. You can find someone that is very unlikely to cheat if you choose wisely.

        ◦ “I can find someone that believes that cheating is wrong.”

    3. I don’t trust myself to choose the right person. Look to your past and decide what changes you need to make in your selection process. Everyone has made a few bad choices in this department, but you can do better the next time. Use your experience and be intelligent. You’ll be just fine.

        ◦ “I am a wise person that can attract the right person for me.”

    4. Single life is better. Single life is better for some people. You might even be one of those people. However, if you believe this, you’re likely to stay single. It’s your choice.

        ◦ “I am excited about finding love and sharing my life with someone else.”

    5. I’ll have to give up too much. Every relationship has pluses and minuses. You will have to make some compromises in a loving relationship. However, you can minimize those compromises by choosing someone who’s compatible with you. Find someone who fits into your life as it currently is.

        ◦ “A relationship will add more to my life than it detracts from it.”

    6. A relationship will solve my loneliness issues. Relationships are lousy solutions to your personal issues. Resolve your challenges before you seek out a relationship.

        ◦ Imagine you had plenty of friends and were rarely lonely. Now imagine you’re all alone in the world. Do you think you’d pick the same partner in each of those situations? Would you even have access to the same person in both situations?

        ◦ “I refuse to use a relationship as a solution to the challenges in my life.”

    7. All the good ones are taken. Many of them are. Unfortunately, the good ones that are taken tend to stay taken. But there’s always another good one out there looking for someone just like you.

        ◦ “There are plenty of good people out there just waiting for me.”

    8. I can change someone else. You can barely change yourself. How are you going to change another person? Try changing someone and see what happens. You’re going to make the other person miserable. This isn’t a positive attitude to have if you want to find and keep love.

        ◦ “I can find someone to love that is wonderful just as they are.”

Are you looking for love? Have you considered that it might be your beliefs that are standing in the way?

Ineffective beliefs can limit your ability to find love, accumulate wealth, lose weight, or accomplish just about anything else. Your beliefs matter! Enhance the odds of success in your search for love by addressing your damaging beliefs.

The post 8 Beliefs That Keep You From Love appeared first on Tampa Bay Christian Counseling Center.